Emmett and Bella Get Kicked Out of WalMart
by The Brown Eyed Writer
Summary: Emmett and Bella go to Wal-Mart and cause trouble. They get caught and Edward has to come home from a hunting trip to pick them up. See what happens when you take Emmett into Wal-Mart and he causes trouble! Hilarious! R&R! Em&B bonding time! Oneshot!
1. Chapter 1

BPOV

I groaned and rolled over to put the pillow over my head to block the grim light coming through my window. I heard a soft chuckle next to me and smiled.

"Bella, time to wake up," the angel said, trying to take the pillow off my head.

"I don't want to get up," I moaned.

"You have to. Emmett will be here shortly and you might want to put some clothes on if you don't want him torturing you about our sex life," Edward said.

I blushed under the pillow. I would die if Emmett found out about mine and Edward's new sex life. He would never let us live it down. But then I thought about his words.

"Wait, why is Emmett coming over here?" I asked, looking at him out from underneath my pillow.

"Well, me and the whole family besides Emmett and Carlisle are going hunting. They went yesterday and Carlisle has to work, so I got Emmett to come over and watch you until I get back," he said, sheepishly.

"Edward, I'm 18 years old. I don't need a babysitter. I stopped using those 6 years ago," I said, frowning.

"I know, Bella. But with Victoria still on the loose, I just want to take precautions," he said. I sighed. Always worrying.

"Fine," I said, sitting up. I wrapped the sheet around my naked body and rubbed my eyes. Then looked at Edward. He already had his clothes back on. I frowned at him.

"Really, did you have to put your clothes back on before I woke up?" I asked, getting up and going to my closet. I just heard him laugh from my bed.

I got dressed and went and sat down next to Edward, trying to brush out my sex hair. Edward took the brush from me and gently brushed it for me.

"Aw, look at the cute virgin couple," I heard a booming voice say. I looked up and saw a smirking Emmett.

"Emmett, shut up. It's non of your business if we're virgins or not," I said, blushing.

"Well, obviously not. Seriously, what did you two do last night while Charlie was gone? Play chess?" he teased.

Edward chunked my brush at Emmett's head and it broke in half against his forehead.

"Ow!" Emmett said, rubbing his forehead dramatically as if it actually hurt.

"Maybe you'll shut up next time. Like Bella said, it's non of your business if we're virgins or not," Edward said.

"Man, that was my last brush," I complained. I went over to it and picked up the 2 halves.

"Sorry," Edward said when I threw it in the trash.

"That's okay. I'll just go buy another one today. I actually need to do some grocery shopping," I said.

"Awe, Bella! Did you have to choose today?" Emmett whined. I smirked at him.

"Payback sucks, doesn't it, Emmett," I said, smiling evilly at him.

"Well, I have to go. Be safe. And call me if anything comes up," Edward said, looking at Emmett when he said that last line.

"Don't worry, Eddie boy. Bella will be just fine," Emmett said.

"Don't call me Eddie," Edward growled.

"Sure thing….Eddie," Emmett said. Edward sighed.

He leaned down, kissed me and flew out my window.

"So, where do you have to go?" Emmett asked.

"Well, I have to go to Wal-Mart and pick up some stuff," I said.

"Fine. I guess I can't talk you out of it," he said.

"Nope," I said.

We walked down to the living room. I grabbed my purse and my wallet and we headed out the door. Emmett's monster Jeep was sitting behind my truck. Well, I guess we're going to have to take that.

We got in the Jeep and drove off to Wal-Mart. When we arrived, we walked in and I grabbed a shopping cart. We went through the aisles, one by one, and I got all the food.

"How do eat all this stuff, Bella?" Emmett asked, looking in my cart as I pushed the cart to the checkout aisle.

"It tastes good to humans," I said. Just then, we passed by the condoms aisle. Of course, Emmett saw it and just had to make a crack about mine and Edward's sex life.

"You know, I guess it's a good thing Edward is a vampire and is unable to conceive children. He won't ever have to worry about buying condoms," Emmett said. I just blushed and looked ahead like I hadn't even heard him.

"I wonder if Edward even knows what a condom is," he went on. "I mean, you both virgins so I guess he's never even had to think about them," he said, staring at my face. I blushed even redder at his comment. Oh, if he only knew.

"Why are you blushing, Bella?" Emmett teased. I didn't say anything. "Bella?" Emmett asked.

"What?" I asked, looking at him. He was smirking.

"Why are you blushing?" he asked.

"I'm not blushing," stupid lying skills. They suck.

"Don't lie to me, Bella. You're blushing. You've never blushed before when I made a comment on yours and Edward's sex life. Why the sudden change?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at me. Oh crap!

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said. Then, Emmett gasped. Double oh crap!

"You and Edward had sex!" Emmett suddenly yelled out. Which made everyone turn our way. I blushed even redder.

"Ssh! Shut up, Emmett!" I said.

"Oh my God! Why didn't you tell me you two were sexually active? How long has this been going on?" Emmett asked. I ignored him.

We got to the checkout counter and I paid for everything. We walked out to the car, Emmett still asking me questions.

"Emmett, will you please stop! It's really non of your business," I said, once everything was loaded up.

"Sorry, Bella. But Eddie has been a virgin for 107 years. This is kind of big. He's no longer a virgin. And neither is the sweet and innocent Bella," he said. Just then I realized something.

"Crap. I forgot to get a brush," I said.

"Come on, we'll go back and get one," he said.

We walked back inside and started towards the brush aisles. We passed by the buggy carts, and Emmett's faced turned into an evil grin.

He grabbed a buggy and pushed it over to me.

"Get in, Bella," he said, smiling that evil smile.

"No, Emmett. I'm not a child," I said.

"Come on, Bella. It will be fun," he said.

"No, Emmett. Let's just get the brush and get out," I said.

"If you get in, I'll stop making cracks out yours and Edward's sex life," Emmett said. Oh, he's good.

"Really?" I asked, making sure he's telling the truth.

"Really, really. I promise," Emmett said, raising his right hand. I thought about it for a minute, then sighed.

"Fine, but you can't make anymore cracks about it," I said, getting in the buggy.

"Okay, just hold on and have a good time," Emmett said.

"Emmett, what exactly do you plan on doing?" I asked.

"Have you ever been able to say you've gotten kicked out of Wal-Mart before?" Emmett asked with a grin. I suddenly matched his evil grin. Okay, that does sound like fun.

"No," I said.

"Well, you will have to say that after today. Bella, you and I are going to get kicked out of Wal-Mart," he said.

"Then what are we waiting for?" I asked.

Emmett started pushing me. "That's the spirit, Bella."

He started off a little slowly, then took off at a normal human pace. I threw my hands up and screamed, "Whoo!" as we flew around the corner. Emmett was bypassing customers and knocking things down on the shelves.

At one point, he passed by a huge stack of cans. When we passed by them, he reached out and with his hand and knocked them all down. He had his feet on the cart, occasionally pushing us with his foot.

He passed by an old woman and screamed out, "Watch out, Grandma!"

It was hilarious. We were both screaming and having a good time. We soon had employees chasing after us.

"Uh-oh. The coppers are catching on to us. Hold on, Bella. We're about to hit hyper speed," he said. He then started pushing us a little inhumanly.

He grabbed a couple of lotions off the shelves and handed them to me to open. I opened them and passed them back to him, which he then squirted all the lotion out on the floor. That made all the mad employees chasing after us slip and fall on the ground, which caused a huge hold up in the aisle.

Emmett and I were turned around, laughing so hard, we didn't see the shelf we were about to crash into. I turned around and screamed, "Emmett look out!"

But it was too late. We crashed into the shelf and all the cans and jars went crashing down onto the floor and bust open. Me and Emmett looked at each other and started laughing.

Then, a guy who had a nametag that said manager on it came over to us. He looked mad.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you two to come with me," he said.

"Uh-oh," I sang, getting out of the cart. Emmett and I followed the manager into the back of Wal-Mart to a door that had 'Manager's Office' on it. We went in and he mentioned for us to sit down.

"What you two did was completely irresponsible. Look at what you two did," he said. He showed us a TV screen and it me and Emmett on there, riding around on the buggy cart. Emmett and I started laughing, but was silenced by the managers evil glare.

"It's not funny. You two are lucky I didn't call the police. You were disrupting the public. Now, I'm going to call both your parents," he said.

"Sir, me and my sister's parents are out of town right now," Emmett said. I looked at him. Sister? He turned and winked at me, which made me smile.

"Well, do you have any other number I can call, because I will not let you two leave unless someone comes to pick you two up," he said.

"You can call my brother," Emmett said.

Emmett gave the man the number, which was Edward's, and ours and Edward's name, and then the man put it on speakerphone. Oh, this should be good.

"Hello?" my angel's voice said over the speaker.

"Hello, may I speak to a Mr. Edward Cullen?" the man asked.

"This is he. Who may I ask is calling?" he asked.

"This is Larry Sharp, the manager at Wal-Mart. I have a Mr. Emmett and Ms. Bella Cullen down here in my office. They were disrupting the peace earlier and I'm afraid I cannot let them leave until someone picks them up," the man, Larry, said.

It was silent on the other end of the phone. Then, "EMMETT MCARTHY CULLEN, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?" Edward shouted.

"Uh-oh," I sang, "Oo, Emmett you are in trou-ble," I said letting that last word drag out. Emmett glared at me.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN, DON'T YOU THINK THAT MEANS YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK!" Edward shouted. Dang.

"Ha ha," Emmett said, sticking his tongue out at me. I stuck mine right back out.

"I thought she was you sister," Larry said, looking at Emmett.

"Well, she is. We're all adopted, but she just kept her last name, Swan," Emmett lied.

"I will deal with you two when I get down there," Edward said, before hanging up.

So we waited in Larry, the tattle-tale, man's office. We had to wait for about 30 minutes, since Edward had to come back from a hunting trip.

"Do you think I could get a copy of that tape?" Emmett asked at one point. I just stiffled a laugh at him.

"No," Larry said. Gosh, sour much?

"I think he's on his man period," I whispered so only Emmett could hear.

Emmett just burst out laughing, but then tried to hide it as coughing. That's when a very angry Edward walked through the door. He was glaring at Emmett.

"Hey….Edward," I said, sheepishly. He then turned his glare on me, which made me coward in my seat. He actually looked like a vampire.

"Don't 'Hey, Edward,' me. You two are in big trouble," he said.

"Eddie, we were just having a little fun," Emmett said.

"A little fun? Then why are you two sitting in a manager's office at Wal-Mart?" he asked, glaring at Emmett.

"These two disrupted the peace of the store and made a very huge mess," Larry, I mean, Tattle Teller, said.

"What exactly did they do?" Edward asked. Tattle Teller motioned for him to sit down.

Edward took the chair next to mine and sat down. Then Tattle Teller showed him the tape. Emmett and I started laughing quietly, but Edward glared at both of us, which mad us stop. He then turned back to the tape.

Emmett and I glanced at each other and tried to stiffle our laughter.

When the part came on about the cans falling, Edward turned and glared at Emmett.

"Emmett! Those cans could have fallen on Bella! Then what would you have done!?" he shouted.

"Sorry, Edward. We were just having fun," Emmett said, looking sorry.

"Emmett, you put other people's lives in danger. Including yours and Bella's!" he said.

"I know. And I'm sorry," he said. I immediately felt bad. Edward was taking it out on Emmett.

"Edward, it isn't only his fault. It's mine, too," I said.

Edward turned and glared at me.

"Oh, I know it is. And don't think we won't talk about this at home with Carlisle and Esme," he said. I sighed and nodded.

"Well, they are free to go as soon as you pay for all the damages," Tattle Teller said.

"You said nothing about paying for damages!" Emmett said, glaring at Tattle Teller.

"You have to pay for them," Tattle Teller said.

"No, we won't. You said nothing about it so we're not paying a penny," Emmett said.

"Would you rather go to jail?" Tattle Teller asked.

"Emmett, you and Bella go outside. I'll pay for the damages. Sit down and don't move!" he said.

I stood up and looked at Edward, but he didn't even look at me. He just turned around and brought out his wallet. I sighed and walked out the door.

"Stupid Tattle Teller," I mumbled, sitting down next to Emmett. Emmett raised an eyebrow at me.

"Tattle Teller?" he asked.

"That's his nickname. He's a tattle tell, so I named him Tattle Teller," I said.

Emmett just chuckled. I sighed.

"What is it, Bella?" Emmett asked.

"Edward's mad at me," I said.

"Oh, Bella. Edward's not mad at you. He's mad at me, but not you. He could never be mad at you," Emmett said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"Then why did he glare at me that way?" I asked.

"Because Edward is just moody all the time. He glares at everyone when he's mad. One time I accidentally destroyed his favorite CD, and he was moody all week. So, he glared at everyone, even an old, random lady," Emmett said, trying to light the mood.

"Really?" I asked.

"Really. So you see, he's not mad at you," Emmett said. That made me feel a little better.

"And guess what?" Emmett asked.

"What?" I asked.

He pulled out a tape that said 'Wal-Mart Security Tape' on it. I grinned at him. Then Edward walked out.

"Come on, let's go home," he said, not even looking at us. We got up and went after him.

On our way out, the employees started glaring at me and Emmett and we just looked at each other and laughed. We then proceeded to stick our tongues out at the employees.

When we reached the cars, Edward stopped and turned to us.

"Emmett, take Bella's stuff back to her house and drop it off there. Me and Bella will go back to the house. We need to talk," he said, looking at me. Emmett nodded and got into his monster Jeep.

Edward unlocked the Volvo and got in. I got in after him. He didn't even open the door for me like he always does. He pulled out and headed for his house.

I just turned and looked out my window, facing away from him as the tears began to fall. I knew he was mad at me.

When we stopped, I looked up and saw we were at the Cullen's house. Edward sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes. I just kept myself turned away, trying to stop the tears.

"Bella, what were you thinking?" Edward finally asked. I just kept quiet, not even looking at him.

"I expect something like that from Emmett, but not from you. You've always been so mature about everything. But no, you decided to do what Emmett says and get yourselves into trouble. You two are lucky Larry didn't call the police on you two. You're lucky it was me he called and not Charlie," he said. I just kept turned away, more tears coming down.

"Bella? Do you hear what I'm saying to you?" he asked. That's when a small sob escaped my lips.

"Bella? Are….are you crying?" he asked, shocked.

"No," I lied, my voice trembling.

I was suddenly in his cold arms held, against his cold chest.

"Oh, Bella. My sweet, innocent, Bella. Don't cry, love. I hate it when you cry," he said.

"But you're mad at me," I sobbed, looking up at him.

"Oh, Bella. No I'm not. I could never be mad at you," he cooed in my ear.

"Then why were you glaring and yelling at me?" I asked.

"Oh, Bella. I was mad, yes, but not at you. Mostly Emmett. He knows how much you mean to me and he put you in danger and almost revealed us to the humans," he said.

"Oh," I said.

"But seriously, Bella? What were you thinking?" he asked.

"Well, Emmett wanted me to get in the buggy and I didn't know why. I said no, but he kind of made a promise to do something if I got in the buggy. Then he told me what we were going to do and it sounded kind of fun," I said.

"Wait, what did he promise to do?" Edward asked. I blushed.

"Um, he kind of….knows about our sex life," I said.

Edward groaned.

"I'm sorry. We passed by condoms and he made cracks about it and I blushed and he caught onto me," I said.

"It's okay. So what does that have to do with our sex life?" he asked.

"Well, he kind of promised he wouldn't make anymore cracks about it if I got in the buggy," I said.

Edward sighed. "I'll talk to him about it, okay. Now, let's get you upstairs and cleaned off," he said, opening the door for me.

I got out and we walked up the stairs together. When we got to the bathroom door, Edward started to leave, but I grabbed his hand.

"Would you like to join me?" I asked. He smirked.

"What am I going to do with you, my little criminal?" he asked.

"Punish me," I winked and ran in the bathroom. Edward laughed and ran in to, slamming the door behind him.

When we were done and dried off, we went downstairs and met the whole family down there. Emmett came up to me and smirked.

"Hey, Bella. Guess what! We made the six o' clock news," Emmett said.

"Wow, Bella. I didn't know you had a wild side to you," Alice said. I blushed as Esme turned up the volume on the TV.

"This just in. Two teenagers that were shopping at Wal-Mart today, were taking back to the manager's office after causing a disruption in the store. This video here shows the two rolling around in a buggy cart, disturbing all the customers," the lady said. It showed me and Emmett riding around and throwing lotion bottles everywhere and knocking over cans.

"The two weren't arrested, but had a brother come and pick them up. No names were given in this case, but those two teenagers were lucky the manager didn't call the police."

We all laughed except Carlisle and Esme, who were looking at Emmett with a disapproving look.

"You're lucky she didn't get hurt, Emmett," Esme said.

"I was watching out for her. After all, she is my little sister," he said, ruffling my hair. Just then, I my phone started ringing.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice came over the phone. "Why did I just see you and Emmett Cullen on the six o' clock news?"

Uh-oh.


	2. SEQUEL IS UP!

**Dear Readers,**

**I have the sequel up since you all asked for it! It's even funnier and has more fluff between Edward and Bella! It, too, is based off a real life experience like this story! I have crazy friends! Haha! It's called Emmett and Bella Get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart AGAIN! So get your butts over there and read it! And review! Love you guys!**

**Taylor**


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